See Table 1 for the demographic profile of the participants. Study participants were nine female and three males ranging in age from 65 to 89, with an average age 76. All participants were widowed; one had remarried and shared her bereavement experiences in relation to her second husband. Eleven participants were retired; one was engaged in part-time work. In terms of living arrangements, four participants lived with their adult child, five lived alone in a senior apartment, two lived in their own house, and one resided in a rental room. Five identified as Christian, one as a Buddhist and the remaining six had no religious affiliation. Participants had lived in Calgary for approximately 14 years and experienced the death of their spouse approximately 11 years ago. Eight respondents in the study lost their spouse while living in their homeland, with spousal death serving as a major impetus to their immigration to Canada; four lost their spouse after migrating to Canada.

Table 1 Biographical information

The following section presents the three main themes: long-lasting grief, spousal bereavement adjustment, immigration background, and each of their relevant subthemes. Quotations, drawn from the transcripts and labeled with the self-chosen pseudonym, gender and age of the participants, are used to illustrate each of the themes and subthemes.

Long-Lasting Grief

Widowed older Chinese immigrants in the study reported experiencing long-lasting grief and bereavement, although they presented in different ways and to varying degrees. For instance, in referring to their loss, Ying (female, 73), said “his role could not be replaced by any other” and San Gui (female, 82) noted “my spouse was gone, and my root was gone.” Others expressed feelings of grief: “sadness”, “emptiness”, “loneliness”, in their depictions of spousal loss. The feelings associated with spousal loss are poignantly described in the following quotes:

When I am thinking of it, I am still sad…… Although he has gone, I don’t lead a comfortable life by myself. Why? I am thinking of him, thinking of him …… It’s very sad for me, only myself, to enter the home, thinking of him and crying for a while…... I think it is more horrible to the survivor than the deceased, because the survivor will think of the deceased all the time. (Ying, female, 73)

I feel very lonely. When she [my wife] was sick, [at least] we were together. It was totally different after she was gone. That feeling is particularly uncomfortable. I used to have such an idea that I don’t want to live any more. (Baoyu, male, 75)

Life after my wife passed away is almost the same. Not very different. I always cook for myself. But sometimes I just talk with the TV. Nobody is talking [with me]……I am kind of reluctant to part from her. I am still a little bit reluctant. After all we’ve been together for decades. (Jing, male, 82)

Some participants, particularly male respondents, noted their losses through alluding to the difficulties they experienced in meeting their instrumental needs, as 66-year-old Tom shared:

You can imagine that I was not alone at home before, but now I am at home by myself. Especially, I live here [a senior apartment], for example. You have to sign a contract every year. One of the questions [emergency contact] is whether you have family in case something would happen; someone could take care of me. I don’t know who I can write down.

Spousal Bereavement Adjustment

Participants’ described their experiences of spousal bereavement adjustment according to individual, family, community, and societal levels (see Fig. 1).

Fig. 1

Lived experiences of spousal bereavement adjustment

Individual level

Bereavement occurring the individual level consists of personal cognitions, emotions and meanings attributed to spousal loss and personal action or behaviours related to grief. Within this domain participants chose to keep their grief private, mediate their grief through the performance of cultural rituals, and rely on their faith or religious beliefs to cope with their grief.

Keep grief private

Participants expressed their preferences for keeping grief and emotions related to their spousal loss private, relying on themselves to cope with spousal bereavement. They chose not to share their grief with others, especially with those who are close to them, as they “did not want to increase any pressure on the child’s shoulder” (Ying, female, 73). Sixty-five-year-old widow Lucy, shared that it was not necessary to talk about their grief since “no one could solve the problem”, as she explained:

Now I know I have to rely on only myself. No one else can solve your own personal experience. You have to rely on yourself. Slowly moving forward. .... I usually listen to songs. I don’t contact others much……Many people know me but never talk with me like what we [the conversation with the interviewer] are doing …… So, I told you, and you know that my life is very hard...… In fact, my inner emptiness has no way to fill up.

Similarly, A Fang (female, 81) commented, there is “no way to deal with loneliness” and in reference to being resigned to her loneliness, she stated: “Now I’m used to it anyway”.

Cultural rituals

Some participants used cultural rituals to maintain their bond with their deceased spouse. For example, San Gui (female, 82) has written a letter to her husband every year since he passed away 15 years ago. Song Jiaxiu (female, 78) explained her participation in the cultural ritual of burning ‘paper money’ to ensure the financial well-being of her deceased spouse: “last year I went back to China. I went to his cemetery to burn paper money to him. I went back the year before last year, too. It’s not easy to go back because of my age”.

Ying (female, 73) offered how viewing the image of her husband evoked sadness for her but was an important mechanism to preserve family memories:

I don’t dare to look at [his photo], because I am afraid [that I will feel too sad] by seeing him and thinking of him. I am thinking of taking our family photo next time I go back to China. I want to let my granddaughters see their grandfather.

Faith and religious beliefs

Faith and religious beliefs supported bereavement adjustment in helping participants accept the reality of spousal loss and manage their sorrow. For example, Lan Hua (female, 65) said she began to read books on Buddhism and started to visit the temple immediately after her husband died. She recalled resorting to her faith since she was unable to find someone to talk to about her bereavement:

After studying Buddhism, I learned that life is impermanent. Karma makes two people get together. When karma is gone, I have to face my life on my own……. I know the existence of people is not true. I view it [the spousal loss] with a more open mind……. What is dying is the “fake ego” and the “true ego” is eternal. When karma comes, a living body comes out. After karma is dispersed, the living body is free and returns to its original elements. Therefore, the “true ego” is eternal. The eternal thing, it still would show up by other objects. So, after you understand it, you don’t have to be too sad about it [the spousal loss].

Others believed there would be a reunion between them and their deceased partners once they die:

Since I believed in the Lord, and I believed Jesus. I said to God, now my husband has gone without the faith. Will you Lord arrange for me to be with my husband [when I die], because you are a kind, humble, loving shepherd. (San Gui, female, 82)

I am optimistic. My daughter’s child, she said I will see my wife in the heaven one day, I think so too. So, it doesn’t matter. I still have hope. The faith is the best…… I think we are Christians so there would be no problems. So, I’m not very sad when she’s gone. (Jing, male, 82)

Religious faith supported their bereavement for some older adults, as Cui noted:

It is good to go to the church, because the church is a big family, and the church makes me feel the sense of belonging. People there help each other. We also talk about the truth of life, because Jesus wants to save thousands of people. You don’t have to sink alone [in bereavement]. (female, 74)

Family level

Although participants acknowledged the instrumental and emotional supports provided by the family, they indicated that family was unable to provide direct support in relation to their grief.

Instrumental support

Participants in the study played an important role maintaining family life, which was often reciprocated through the instrumental support provided to older adults by their families, such as the provision of transportation to recreation, religious and cultural activities. Also, older immigrants sponsored by an adult child, were dependent on their child financially and for housing, etc., for 10 years, as the following portrays:

When I first came, it was the daughter who was committed to sponsor me for 10 years. My daughter took care of all of the problems…… You have to connect with your family doctor. I was not able to do that. I had to let my daughter make an appointment in advance…… When I first came, it was even hard for me to ask directions or go shopping…… I have no way to communicate with the doctor, I must have her [daughter]. (A Fang, female, 81)

The most difficult time was that when I first came here, I was sick. My son took me to the hospital and it was very troublesome…… Always my son helped me to buy rice and food. (Liang, female, 89)

Usually, I do not take a bus, and just stay at home. If I need to go out and do something my son or his friends will give me a ride. Otherwise, I would like to walk and take a bike. In winter, I don’t go out [on my own]; it is too cold. (Lan Hua, female, 65)

Psychological well-being

Family relationships were central in terms of participants’ emotional well-being. As A Fang (female, 81) described her relationship with her adult son:

Children are very filial. My eldest son supported me to paint, and the pens and papers he bought from China are very expensive…… My son and daughter-in-law like my paintings. They are all very filial. I don’t have to ask, but they would buy it for me. My son said, “Mom, don’t think about the price. Buy whatever you like. Wear whatever you like”.

Enjoyment from family relationships was particularly noted in their relationships with grandchildren, as 73 year old widow Ying explains:

She [youngest granddaughter] is sweet. If I am a little bit unhappy, she would say, “Granny, did I make you angry again?” I say, “No, I’m not angry”. She goes on to say, “I won’t make you angry”. Her mouth is so sweet. Before I go to bed, the older granddaughter would say, “Grandma, good night”. They are always like that.

Failure to offer direct support for older adults’ grief

As noted, family provided instrumental and psychological support for the widowed older adults in the study. However, since the widowed older adults hid their bereavement from family members, they were then unable to provide direct support for the spousal loss, as the following quotes illustrate:

I will not let her [my daughter] know. Because if I am sad, my daughter will be very sad as well. I will not let her know. I won’t say I was crying. Because she is sensitive. I don’t want her to worry about me, I don’t want my girl to feel stressful. (Ying, female, 73)

Sometimes, relatives came to comfort me [after the spousal death]. I felt more uncomfortable with that. Then I simply did not contact them. I went to the temple by myself, and listened to the morning classes and read books, and then I went to work. (Lan Hua, female, 65)

Community level

Participants in the study relied almost exclusively on Chinese-based social networks and community engagement for instrumental, social and emotional supports. Involvement in the Chinese faith community was promoted as important for both those with and without religious backgrounds. However, similar to family members, these community networks did not provide direct support for spousal bereavement according to participants in the study.

Faith community

For some respondents attending a faith community facilitated adjustment to spousal loss by allowing them to engage in community activities and social networks. In addition, faith communities provided instrumental assists, such as assisting the older adults in the study in dealing with family conflicts, applying for a senior apartment, and interpretation services. The following quotes illustrate the role of the faith community:

I go to the Buddhism school every Friday night. There are dozens of people. Everybody knows each other. Everybody is in the class together…… We contact each other with WeChat [a communication app], where we exchange information and communicate with each other. (Lan Hua, female, 65)

I go to church every week. I attend church activity every Sunday. I learn English there on Monday. There is a prayer meeting on Wednesday night. (A Fang, female, 81)

Now I am learning English in the church. There are many people every week, including those who are not Christians. Usually there are 50 or 60 people every time. First, we attend the English class from 9:00 to 11:00, then the tea meeting. Everyone is very happy, so there are a lot of people attending. I go there once a week. (A Fang, female, 81)

I haven’t believed in God yet, but my daughter does. I go to church every Sunday. I know some older women and older men there. (Song Jiaxiu, female, 78)

I go to the church every Monday and Saturday. I know a lot of friends here…… The church is my second home. (Jing, male, 82)

Societal level

The societal level refers to participants’ interactions within society, such as professional services from the public, private sectors and social sectors. In terms of bereavement experiences, most participants did not access services for bereavement support, and for those who had received services, they reported that the service were not appropriate.

Professional services for bereavement

Most respondents did not access services to specific coping with spousal bereavement as they were either not aware of the support or did not consider emotional health support necessary. Tom (male, 66) and Lucy (female, 65) were notable exceptions. Lucy emphasized her desire for functional supports related to housing and living costs, instead of services directed at facilitating coping with bereavement, as she stated:

There are groups for the widowed and for family relationships…… I was trying to get rid of my situation. It [the agency] played a certain role at that time. She [the counsellor] taught me to relax and breathe deeply. It played a certain role……The actual problem cannot be solved. Just chat, and then feel better. It is impossible for me to ask for a low rent housing. It is impossible to ask for living expenses.

Tom described receiving a letter of invitation from a government agency two months post spousal loss. He responded and received individual counselling, which he identified as a “failure” due to issues of cultural competence:

I’ve been there [counselling] four or five times. But I don’t think it’s good. I don’t think they understand our Chinese ideas…... They think differently from our Chinese people. He wants you to cry. “You cry whenever you want to”. But you know, we Chinese men don’t cry. But I don’t want to cry, how to cry...... They gave me a lot of paper materials [to manage my emotions]. Let me follow these to do something. I don’t think I need it.

Immigration Background

Study participants were born in China/Hong Kong, with an average of 15 years since they had immigrated to Canada, and approximately 14 years of residence in Calgary. Their immigration background was implicated in their bereavement experiences.

Immigration for family reasons

In the Chinese context, cultural norms of filial piety imbue the responsibility of adult children to provide support to their aged parents and a strong expectation from Chinese older adults to receive family support (Cheng & Chan, 2006). Following these cultural norms, the adult child living in Canada is expected to be responsible for taking care of the surviving parent. One way to fulfill the obligations for filial piety is to support the parent to migrate to Canada following the loss of his or her spouse, as Ying (female, 73) identified:

I only have this one daughter. [When I was living in China] I thought I would have to live with her in the future. My siblings have their own families, right? I have to live with my daughter…… [If my husband didn’t die,] I won’t be here, I might just go back. Because he is not in good health, I have to stay with him. Right now, I don’t have him, if I go back [to China], my daughter in Canada would be worried [about me].

On reflecting on her decision to immigrate and the role of filial piety, A Fang (female, 81) noted:

I was getting older and I always had to think about some future events. What if my child is not around? After all, I have somebody [the daughter] to rely on. So that’s why I considered to come to my daughter here [in Canada].

Similarly, other participants noted:

He [my son] is a doctor and can give me a handy treatment. So I decided to come [to Canada]. ....... There is no one else in the family. He does not have any siblings. (Lan Hua, female, 65)

My two daughter-in-laws were deficient in filial piety and I was afraid that I could not live well even with their care. My daughter [in Canada] knew that her mother had suffered through a lifetime. She applied for a visitor visa for me first, for two years…… My daughter applied for my Permanent Residence in 2014. (Song Jiaxiu, female, 78)

Migratory grief and adjustment

The migratory histories of participants in the study had a powerful impact on their bereavement adjustment. Migratory grief, which is caused by a symbolic loss, such as loss of a homeland, status, social environment, and cultural identity (Casado et al., 2010) was foundational in most participants’ narratives. Participants attempted to maintain a strong bond with their homeland by following news and/or travelling back and forth between China/Hong Kong and Canada, post-migration. While in China they described cherishing the time visiting family or friends, and so on, as the following quotes illustrate:

Most of time I watched TV shows from Hong Kong. Usually I played the shows repeatedly……I try to have some connection with Hong Kong, and I try to know what is happening in Hong Kong. (Liang, female, 89)

I still would like to go back [to China] if I am in a good health. I want to go back when my grandson is getting married. (Song Jiaxiu, female, 78)

I went back to Hong Kong many times, more than 10. The last time I went back was last March to visit my mother. She is already 97 years old now. (Tom, male, 66)

Post-migration adaptation

Many participants shared their difficulties in adaptation post-migration. Adjusted to their host country in late life was noted as challenging, as the following quotes elucidate:

I didn’t get used to life here. I can’t understand what people are saying here. I think there are too few people here, no fun. (Ying, female, 73)

After I came, I was just like being in the jail at the beginning, so it was a lot to suffer. (San Gui, female, 82)

I didn’t get any additional help. However, some language problems are always bothering. (A Fang, female, 81)

[I didn’t get used to life in Canada] because of the traffic and social networking, and also because my belief [Buddhism] is different from theirs. (Lan Hua, female, 65)