I remember the banks of the Indus
The silt and the paternal love
Carefree runs, clear minds under the basking sun
It feels to be the time when I truly lived
Away from the realities, far from the worldly touch
A place all to me where I thrived
It was the spring of 2000 and after
When the sun was no more my friend, but foe
Where my body wasn’t carefree, rather it hurt
And I was lost, unknowing this to be a forever show
My flesh had a mask, my mind wore a mask
My breathing ached, my fingers cold and blue
Maybe Mother was right
Maybe it was going to be a forever show
Unlucky or diseased? Both! I said
Said in a tone which lacked lustre and voice
Said in a manner that had no structure, no life
Fight or no fight? Both, I sighed
So which area of myself was going to lose the battle?
I asked myself most nights
So which sorrow was the biggest battle?
I didn’t answer that one
I didn’t answer many of those for a fact
But I remained lost, now knowing this to be a forever show
Maybe Mother was always right
Maybe I will never feel the banks of the Indus again the same way.
ACKNOWLEGMENTThis poem is dedicated to the individuals who continue to live a life with systemic lupus erythematosus with stronger minds and beautiful hearts.
Copyright © 2024 by the Journal of Rheumatology
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